My friend Amy had an interesting response to some advice I gave her over the phone a few minutes ago. She said she was going to write Paxil a thank you note for making me so cool. I've been on Paxil for just about two months now, and I think she's right. I know it seems odd to broadcast over the Internet that I'm taking an antidepressant medication (I don't usually use the LJ for personal business), but I have a good reason. For several months, I was afraid to start taking Paxil because I read so many horror stories on the web about side effects and bad experiences that people have posted on countless websites and discussion boards. I never read anything positive - everything was just so negative!

A doctor suggested a prescription for Paxil to me back in October, but I refused to take it because I was panicked about all the bad things I'd read about it. By February, I was finally fed up with anxiety attacks and daily crying episodes and uncontrollable mood swings, and I made the decision to try it.

As most people know, I'm not a big pill-popper. I hate taking medication and try to avoid it whenever possible. Another reason I wanted to stay off Paxil is because I didn't want to commit to taking a pill every day indefinitely. But, you know what? Ever since I've started taking Paxil, I've taken less Advil, less Tylenol and less NyQuil than ever before. No more stress headaches. No more sleepless nights.

So, here it goes - I beat you to it, Amy - a few words of thanks to my new favorite pill.

Dear Paxil,
Thank you. Thank you so much for the past two months. Thank you for stopping my dead in my tracks on the downward spiral of depression I was surely sinking deeper and deeper into. Thank you for giving me the clarity to consciously choose my thoughts and control my emotions. Thank you for allowing me the ability to think rationally through every situation at a slow enough pace that I can understand everything that's going on in my head. Thank you for ridding me of constant anxiety about trivial things. Thank you for chasing away the out-of-control fsense of sadness, guilt and hopelessness I've been feeling for a long, long time. Thank you for giving my tear ducts a break and for ending the scary midnight panic attacks that were depriving me of much-needed sleep. Thank you for showing me how to enjoy concentrating on myself for a change and for the freedom to be myself without seeking so much validation from others. Thank you for proving to me that I am the strong, wise, independent person I always wanted to be. Thank you for allowing me to see all of the good things I've accomplished in my life and feel hopeful about the future. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to relax and experience a sense of contentment and comfort within myself I've never felt before. Thank you for blessing me with the motivation and focus to start writing the novel I've been dreaming about since fifth grade. Thank you for making my life more enjoyable, more fulfilling and more fun. Thank you for showing me that everything wasn't always my fault and that I can finally stop apologizing. Thank you so, so much.
Love,
Lisa

Tags: ruling at life
This crazy trip has got me feelin': content
And I'm singin' along to: Closer - Joshua Radin